during the summer of 2010 i faced several changes in my life that altered the overall ideas behind the album: i was preparing to move to Manhattan from Albuquerque – where i had spent 22 years of my life, i left my position as co-director of a local volunteer men’s chorus, and discovered a valuable songwriting tool – the looper. i wrote several more songs for the album, which i was still calling ‘lame raye,’ and began recording them…only to continue to be underwhelmed by the results. i needed another breakthrough, but obviously i couldn’t force it. then something happened that caught me off guard. a close friend told me that he found my music to be uninviting, hollow, and uninteresting to general audiences. i was stunned by his negative criticism, though it wasn’t the first time i had received a similar comment about my music; i was shaken. i started to question every move i made as a producer/writer, and began to scrutinize every aspect of my work. i didn’t have to question a thing about my musical instincts, and looking back, i wish i hadn’t let his words get to me. i was producing/writing the way that I wanted to, and was not doing it only to seek approval. from that moment, i decided to be more careful, but also more confident in my abilities.
the move to New York City influenced this album more than anything else. people have written volumes on the effect that the city has on songwriting, the ‘new york state of mind’ if you will. i was overwhelmed when i arrived and exploring the city, letting it work it’s magic on me. i didn’t write again for several months. at this point i had several tracks recorded, but no album. i contemplated releasing what i had as ‘lame raye’ several times, but it just didn’t ever feel right.
after a few months in the city i started to feel more comfortable and began to experiment with some new ideas. my next breakthrough came after i began to collaborate with Corrine Byrne, a fellow songwriter and classical vocalist. i believe that what this album had needed all along, was a positive influence. this came in the form of miss Byrne, whose open nature and love for all music, really helped me to pull some interesting music out. our first collaboration came in the form of a re-worked version of the carol ‘star of wonder.’ this collaboration, coupled with the first few months of my time in the city, prolonged the album (6 months at this point) from coming together. then, another breakthrough.
during the holiday season and winter of 2010/2011 i hit a huge creative surge that would end up providing the bulk of ‘the controller.’ my mother and sister came to visit me, during which time i wrote the song ‘what did you say,’ while showing off my looping tools on ABLETON live. this amazing tool allows users to workshop a short musical phrase, and ‘jam’ on it enough to layer attractive ideas into the texture. half of the songs on ‘the controller’ were started this way. after writing ‘what would you say,’ i not only had an intriguing new tone to run with (the song is quite dark), i had a basic premise to build the rest of the album on. Corrine lent her vocal skills to several tracks, and will appear on the album
by the end of the winter (february) i had written 60% of the album, and still had another 15% from other tracks that i believed fit the premise. by this point i had been writing for 9 months and still wasn’t done. i started to piece together what i had, and thought up several new concept umbrellas to put them under. some of the titles i came up with for the album at this point (i had long since ditched ‘lame raye’) were: ‘revolution of i,’ ‘incident angles,’ ‘last night,’ ‘return of love,’ and ‘there inside.’ i soon had more than 20 songs to use for the album, and even decided to do a double album at one point. still, there was an element missing, and my friends’ harsh criticisms rang in my head. i didnt want to release anything that i wasn’t 100% sure about. i knew that eventually the album would pull together.
in the spring of 2011, Corinne and i recorded our first collaborative duet, i finished a separate song along with it, and released both as an ep. it was my first release since ‘mighty chatter,’ besides the ‘star of wonder’ single the fall before. the song is titled ‘there inside.’ it was a successful release, and inspired me to push myself into releasing the as yet untitled album (at this point 11 months in the making). however, before i could, i became sidetracked with two other important projects.
in april and may of 2011, i released two full-length albums through BANDCAMP. the first, ‘neurogenic,’ was a re-master of an old album, originally completed in 2008. ‘neurogenic’ includes three new songs, written specifically for the re-master. the second release was the ‘7 days‘ project, which i was inspired to write after the success of ‘there inside’ and the completion of ‘neurogenic.’ at this point i finally mastered my production technique, and was garnering praise on my new material. it was finally time to finish what i started in april of 2010, and with the added success of ‘there inside,’ ‘neurogenic,’ and ’7 days,’ i had enough drive to finally finish.
at this point, i had more than 25 songs in the works that could tentatively be used for the album. then, an opportunity was given to me to finish the track ‘control,’ and this helped to eventually provide a a title. i was asked to donate an original song to a short film about a dominatrix who, by accident, suffocates her ‘mister.’
‘the controller’ came together because of uncontrollable events. fate, or whatever you call it, even if you don’t believe in it, really shaped the album more than i did. ‘the controller’ is about relinquishing your control to a higher power (possibly fate?), even if the consequences aren’t what you hope for. in the case of the album, i give up free-will (control) in order to have love, and in doing so, find out what i truly desire. when the controller (love) leaves, i am left with confidence, power, and insight. in retrospect, i have begun to question the events that controlled & shaped this album, and how their control influenced me.
15 months in the making, and over 25 songs later, i have finally finished, and will be controlled no longer…what controls you?
tracklisting:
run – wake up, feeling like, something’s wrong, with my life. run from the controller boy
control – control, you know you wanna have it
skin – i have lost control, deep down, underneath you
trigger – you control what happens between us, so what’s stopping you
are you in there love – in all my life i’ve never found someone that wants me. i’m starting to believe there’s something wrong with me
taste of wine – i lowered my guard, lost control, and now you follow me, wherever i go
what it takes – do i have what it takes for you to love me
maybe this is love – dumb, cuz, i’ve been so down and all these things i’ve done have hurt you, i wasn’t trying to
what did you say – what did you say, i can’t hear, from this hollow shell, i can’t hear
control. redux. – control you know you wanna have it, so go ahead and control me. love.
all is forgotten – i’m in control, though it seems like, i’ve lost it all, i still have my mind
the controller – i barely noticed when you left. can you blame me? did i fail your test? i won’t hold my breath for long, or for what i never had. love love love said, “my bad.”
http://michaelgraye.bandcamp.com
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